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In Memory of Todd Alloro
Why I choose Love, by Louis Alloro.It's all about relationships. All. Perhaps having shared a womb with my twin sister has given me this understanding at a primal, energetic level. Perhaps it's because I lost my brother, Todd, to suicide nearly twenty years ago, a death unlike Tyler Clemente's at Rutger’s last week. Todd jumped from a building. He was 19; I was 12. What's happening in the world? Bullies & terrorists; they're not much different. Each have a very scarce mindset about the way the world works. That for the bully or terrorist to feel good, we need to feel bad. What does this say about our relationships to ourselves? To each other?With five teenage suicides in the past week alone (that we know of), I’d say we have an epidemic of people not feeling good about who they are: bullies and victims alike. I’ve been both in my life and as a psychologist, I know it’s a vicious and co-created cycle that boils down to a simple hypothesis: we choose more thoughts of fear, less of love. All of us. Evolutionarily, FEAR made sense – at one time, it was about survival of the fittest. But we’re playing a different game today – a new era – where we can both win. We should both win. There’s abundance for us ALL if and only if we think it so. Our brains are that powerful. Neurobiologically, we may be more prone to automatically choose thoughts of fear, but with intention and attention, we can learn to switch our thoughts. Getting in touch with our mind chatter is the first step. So, which do YOU choose to operate from? In every moment of every day (and there are 20,000 moments in one single day), we each have a choice: LOVE or . . . What goes on between your ears?When we teach kids to stop bullying (arguably necessary), we are really teaching them about fear. We are asking them how not to behave which seems paradoxical to what we could be teaching instead: a positive, preventative, and proactive approach. We can teach them how to love.Positive psychology, a newer field within traditional (not negative) psychology has evidenced-based approached to teaching people how to think the thoughts that are grounded in love. The whole of the US Army is learning these tools as a way to prevent post-traumatic stress among its cadre where the suicide rate is at an all time. Remember what happened at Fort Hood last November?It’s interesting how these recent tragic events coincide with our government’s decision to continue it’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. What kind of message are we sending as a society? Can you see how this is all connected?I remember very clearly the day that Todd killed himself. I woke up that morning to voices in the kitchen, knowing it was too early for it to be something good. But later that day, I remember standing at the edge of my parent’s driveway as the sun was setting behind the house when the thought came through my head: “There will be learning from this, transcendence.” Even as a 12 year old kid, I had a great understanding of the world: the choice is always ours: Tragedy or opportunity? Love or fear?What would it mean to have a million people choose this group by the year's end? Please help make it happen! Invite those you love to join a new Facebook group, I Choose LOVE ♥. Make the commitment; set the intention. The time is now, the choice is yours, ours. Turn up the volume to understand who you are, how you show up in the world. This means having an awareness as to what your thought patterns are. You can’t change others. But you can change yourself & when you do, you can change your expectation of others, thereby creating a new cycle, a functional one – one that’s enveloped with love.
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